I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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