I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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