i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Is Oprah even human
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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