I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize