i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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