Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just tell him i said nine months
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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