why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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