"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
