Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
