I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
