You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We have so much sex to catch up on
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
