she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
