I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
