i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
