marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
