I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
