but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize