Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
