This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
