ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
