it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
