We got so high we made milksteak
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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