I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
