I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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