So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
