i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
