in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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