It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
