It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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