I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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