I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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