u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i am craving dick and cupcakes
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
