M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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