AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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