So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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