he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
