Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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