So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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