But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
