your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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