i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
