I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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