just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
whose ass print is on the piano?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
