hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
