I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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