Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
