She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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