One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
