just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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