You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just blew my weed a kiss
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
