last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
