i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
