some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
