I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That accounts for only three of the penises
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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