I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
