is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he was CRYING into my vagina
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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