So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
