my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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