I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
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