then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
