it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
how does that bad decision feel?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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