she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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