i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
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