My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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