i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
