Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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