I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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